His Sicilian update

So, whilst in Sicily I thought it would be a good idea to try something I’ve never done before. Windsurfing and Paddle Boarding. Turns out I’m not a natural at either. Paddle Boarding looks easy, it’s just canoeing standing up. Who would have thought you need to have the core muscles of an Olympic Gymnast to do either of these sports. On the one occasion I managed to stay on the paddleboard for more than 5 seconds it seems turning the damn thing isn’t easy either. I almost ended up in Greece. Windsurfing was no better, by the end of the lesson I had mastered the art of climb on, fall off. Knackered.com

Lee has now got her car and driving round like a lunatic – My heart is no longer in its normal place. Whilst at a T junction I shouted to Lee “NO”. I wrongly thought this would stop Lee from pulling out of the junction in front of the oncoming car. But apparently NO was interpreted into “No – Go”. Silly me. Luckily the car turned left due to no cars in Sicily having an indicating facility.

We’ve taken a trip to Mount Etna – Google Maps decided to be extra helpful and take us through the smallest side streets in the world. Turns out the whole of Sicily was out for a picnic too. Eventually we make it to the Volcano. For about 5 seconds we contemplate doing a trek, but the hike to the ticket office made us realise we are not conditioned for this quite yet. The boys ask why the cable car makes strange noises on the way up. I put them at ease whilst all the while thinking we are not going to make it. We get to the top unscathed other than my hearts new found resting rate. We travel in a 4×4 mini bus to go even further up. Who would have thought being 2900 metres high that it would be so bloody cold! Luckily the boys were wrapped up warm in the force gale winds. I was almost wishing for an eruption just so I could warm up. The wind did its best to throw me off the side – but I managed to stay upright unlike the previous day’s windsurfing. To be honest I was a bit underwhelmed – cold, windy, cloudy, and all to see some smoke coming out of a chimney. I’m sure its looks fabulous when its erupting…

Whilst sitting in the park with the boys whilst Lee is in the Launderette, Living the Dream – I check out Facebook – Top of the notification list it tells me I’m near Platinum Lap Dancing Nightclub. Google states it needs help checking out this place. I obviously need to oblige. Drop boys off launderette and tell Lee I’ve got a new job with Google.

Sicily update.

I realise that I’ve not posted in a while however this was mainly due to some helpful advice I received by my harshest critic. The husband. We felt that too much and you’d all get bored.

As a result I’ve got so much useless drivel to spew now that you’ll be bored anyway. 😉

So what’s new….

Dave is still working after official officials were taken hostage by my favourite crazy Polish friend, (please note this did not happen but is given as an insight to the hilarious conversations with said crazy Polish friend) and all documentation was received well within the deadline.

He’s enjoying all the wine tasting that seems to be a compulsory part to the job.

I have still got the Raptors home. Various information is needed from the UK before I can even contemplate beginning the procedure. I’m trying my hardest you keep their brains working but fear my supply of patience is dwindling ever faster. Good thing is I’m getting the steps in as I go from child to child to give them the answers to questions on their tests.

Supermarkets are much easier and I’m even talking to people. I do think that I’m not actually understanding what they’re saying but more confident in bullshitting my way through my response. So far so good.

The Raptors e mi Marito have started having Windsurf lessons. My bladder has decided it can’t take the hilarity of watching Dave Large try his hardest to figure out why at 44 his balance has followed Elvis and left the building. We went with some of Dave’s work colleagues and even some of the youngsters waved goodbye to their dignity. One was even told by a Chinese wandering medicine man that death was nigh. We’re not sure what he actually said but we worked out, through all the unwanted prodding, that it was bad…. very bad…..

I’ve made friends with a stray dog now affectionately called Baxter. Just as I was about to move Bax indoors discreetly he found himself a floozy fertile girlfriend and some fleas. One day he will be here. One day…. We just need him to get rid of the gobby bitch that’s following him everywhere. Ok, I’ve read this back and realise this sounds harsh and that I couldn’t adopt two dogs, let me just explain that whilst Baxter is one of the friendliest Dogs I’ve ever met. She isn’t. And really does love the sound of her voice and showing off her nice teeth.

Anyway we’ve been here a month now and although it’s been hard we love the experience and are so grateful we’ve been allowed to try this out.

We’ve been up Mount Etna to 2900m and got to stand on two of her craters. She’s a beast that’s for sure.

The sea is cold. Don’t be fooled by it’s clear welcoming waving. All dangly parts will retract to a safe and warm spot.

I still don’t have a Washing machine and whine about it daily to Dave. I’ve made some wonderful new friends who have all offered me to use their machines but thankfully I’m too stubborn to accept and need Dave to understand this is desperate.

We have had Mini moo safely delivered along with her contents and she’s enjoying the endless pot holes (some of which are deep enough to see Australia) and drivers approaching her at great speeds.

I think that’s about it for now.

Love to you all.

Ciao peeps.

😍😘

Saving a Sicilian Stray.

Life continues in Sicily. The boys and I are trying to entice a lovely little cat in to the house in an effort to save a stray. If we do it bit by bit Daddy will never realise. Well that’s until the thing leaves it’s inhabitants all over the place ready to bite and leap.

I tried to carry said Cat, now name Cena, into the apartment just so she’ld get a feel of our love without us having to feel the mosquito bites. (Poor Benji is still on the menu and is now looking very attractive as he models an array of red patches in various sizes over his body.) Trouble was I must have squeezed it to hard as it had an alarm system attached and I have no idea what gas came out it’s read end but it was put back outside to allow for the fog to disperse.

Little Cena is now sleeping peacefully outside our patio doors clearly recharging it’s gas tanks.

We have taken the Toyata back with its rear bumper glued tightly in place. Unfortunately Dave thought he’d test how fast the little Hybrid would go and the bumper flapped behind in clear protest. It was the most stressful car journey ever. That’s until the way home with bumper flapping at the rear and Thumper going all Kamikaze in front of us and ending up sticking to the front bumper. Ok maybe I exaggerated that a tad. It didn’t stick…

We now have what I can only liken to a posh leather seated single storey bus. It’s normal name is Renault Megane but when I’m used to my speedy little Mini moo and have issues parking even that, parking this is going to be impossible. More steering wheel slumping ahead. Although… I’ve let Dave take it to work the last couple of days. See how helpful I am….

More supermarket trips which I now find are the only places on the Island likely to bring on much sweating for my part thanks to people feeling the need to be sociable and the Raptors feeling the need to exercise their rights to be complete little sausages at the most inappropriate times.

We tried the self service checkouts which as I posted previously were the way to go. That is until you take along your significant other who has made it his one goal in life to completely bugger them up thus drawing attention from a person with a badge and zero humility. (Yes Dave I know she was alright) that’s not the point and helps me in no way as we have red flashing lights around us to warn the entire store we are foreign and imbeciles.

No news on “the paperwork” and rather depressingly we’re resigned the fact that good ole Blighty and her processes will be dealing us a right screwover. For all the bureaucracy we Brits moan about when going abroad, I think that little old Britan and it’s politics need a complete review.

As a result of missing paperwork, I’ve gone ahead and started home schooling the boys. Let me just gice a huge shout out to any primary school teachers out there. I am having trouble running round the table to two of the blighters let alone a whole class of them.

Drama class is my favourite. They have to go away, think of what they want to do a play about, practice, set up the Stage and Props etc. By the time the play starts Mummy has had 10 minutes to grab a quick old people’s nap. Before you all get judgemental you try rearing a herd of velocirators. It’s constant. Perhaps it was the noxious cat arse gas??

My laundry has been sent away again. I am feeling somewhat guilty and as a result have chosen to wash pants by hand. I’ve lost skin on knuckles I’ll have you all know. No sympathy from Dave just merely a “Why did you do that?” I mean let’s face it I love having open blisters on my hands to clean with….

We’ve just had to shut the patio doors. The cat lays confortably in the undergrowth no closer to moving in. What has moved in is a swarm of mosquito type critters. On the plus side though the kids are now enjoying a PE lesson leaping and skipping around trying to swat the bugs away to a better place one where sucking what little of my blood is left after Dracula tried to empty it two weeks ago.

Anyway, Papa Large will be home soon and I need to assist him getting the car into the garage. I could be a while.

Ciao for now peeps.

🙂

Week 1 – Done!!

29 September 2017
16:16

So the moving to Sicily blog may have to be renamed to a 2 week working holiday in Sicily. Seems the paperwork to start my job has been sent to the Pompeii office.

Apart from the probability of returning to the UK quicker than we thought…the first week has gone pretty well.

Met some great people at work of various nationalities, I actually forget which country I’m in. I suspect by the time I move back to the UK I will be fluent in some new language made up of Polish Italian German Romanian with some cockernye rhymying thrown in.

Lee has settled in well although I think staying at home with the kids will soon enough ensure she will be finding a school for Ronnie an Reggie. They also keep grassing mummy up. Apparently she jumped over the level crossing this morning, dukes of hazard style. Kids told me they can’t cope with mummy anymore and need to move out.

I have no idea if Lee has bought some special anti persperant but I keep getting the odd whiff
from her armpits. Reminds me of my Birthday for some reason.

Fancied a glass of wine. FFS no cork screw. Put it in a shoe and banged against the wall. Tried several times. Nothing. Use the front door key. Nope. We seem to have been given about 45 keys. No idea what they are for. Decide to give up with the key method. Knife method works. the cork is disentgrated into the bottle. Spend the rest of the evening digging out bits of cork from my teeth.

Get home from work. No phone. No keys. No intercom. Decide to jump over the fence and wade through the mud bath to my house. Introduce myself to the neghbour as Dave. He’s confused as to how I know his name. I’m guessing he thinks I’m stalking him. Especially when he finds out I live in the next street over from him, back in the UK. Seems all the Dave’s from Reading have been recruited to Sicily.

Did I tell you about the wonderful Sicillian weather. To make us Brits welcome and feel at home it’s decided to piss down non stop all week. More rain this week than the previous 9 months put together. Work says if the weather doesn’t improve by the weekend all our contracts are cancelled.

I’m guessing the locals must have some incredible metabolism to burn off 9000 calories a day. Think I’ve doubled my weight this week. Went out on works dinner do. Think they tried to kill me by force feeding. Had 45 courses. Skipped desert. Drunk about 4 litres of wine. I suspect it’s watered down as I still manage to get out of the restaurant with dignity intact though I struggle to fit through the door due to my new 9 month pregnancy look.

Visited an Italian gym. I’m sure Rocky is in there some where. They could do with some of that deodorant Lee has got.

Went out for a meal Friday in Motta. Great restaurant and great people. He says Lee sounds like more of a Londoner than me. I think it’s because I’ve developed the obligatory foreign accent whilst speaking English. I wouda likea the pastaa per favore me ‘old china. Cheers mate.

Friday was great at work. Went for a tour that I wasn’t allowed on so sat in the sun for an hour. Got back to the office just in time for a special German event. Free beer and sausages 🙂 Finished at 2.30. Waiting for the wife. Eventually turns up at 4.30. I’ve melted in the sun but at least I’ve lost some weight. I don’t think Lee recognises me when she turns up.

Went to Taormina. Decided to drive past all the car parks. Have to drive for about another 3hrs before I can turn around. Lee doesn’t like the drop her side. Thinking about putting the Italian Job theme tune on but I think that will drive Lee over the edge, literally. Eventually park in the very first car park we passed. Beautiful place, went to an amphitheatre. Seems like the locals don’t like to give you change. Tickets cost 20 euros so pass over a 50. She says 20. Yes, yes I know. how about you give me 30 change? I have to get the wallet out to prove the wife has spent all the remaining cash. She was just about to give in and Lee joins in and pays with the credit card. Boys are thirsty and Lee picks the most expensive cafe in the whole of Europe. For the price of the cafe latte I would have thought I could of at least got a glass with a handle. Think they use the volcano to heat the coffee, wait another two hours before I can drink it, besides need to get my money’s worth out of this lot, I’m here for the night. Thought the Kids drinks were going to be some rare Italian recipe for the price but just turns out to be a Coke and Fanta.

Go shopping on the way home. Supermarket seems just like at home. Except just come across aisle full of tyres on the shelves. How convenient forgot I needed some 205’s for the mini. Also buy some glue for our bumper that is now flapping more than previously since I’ve pushed the Yaris to supersonic speeds of 65kph.

That’s about it for now until we have to return the car. I’ll let Lee tell you if her DIY saves us from having to take out my credit cards to pay the excess.

Ciao.

Dave

Self service checkouts rule!!

Waiting for Dave Large to have a free minute to blog is going to be like watching paint dry. After his first attempt he clearly needs to try again.

Last night he had his first night out with work which I’ll let him tell you about. Turns out though there was unlimited wine. Where was my invite I say!!!

All I will say is although he had 8 glasses of wine he believed he was as sober as a judge. I believed otherwise especially after asking him if he fancied some loving. His response…. “cloooouuulllddd du”. I translated this as could do. But what seemed to follow was him being transformed into Fuzzy bear growling profusely (snoring) followed by some other unearthly noise as he struggled to breathe through the wine mist that was encasing him. Miss Piggy here had to stamp her feet a couple of times.

Moving swiftly on…

I was a bit premature in posting last time. As you’ll remember I had to go to the store again to get some bits. Well needless to say it didn’t go too well. Or rather it didn’t go too well at the check out yet again.

You see there was an elder gentleman on the check out and it seems that they have a general aversion to us non Italian speaking persons. I’m sure this doesn’t apply to all elder Sicilian gentlemen before any one jumps on my case but it appears to be so for the ones I’ve had dealings with.

First came the chatting at speed in my direction. They clearly use this as the probing method to try and figure out what language their victim doesn’t speak. Then follows more chatter this time sped up even more. Unfortunately for him though I was able to catch a few of the words falling out his mouth and was able respond. “Actually I’m from England” you see aside from having a slight loathing for anything English speaking they seem to have a bigger dislike for Americans.

Any way we continue. He asks if I can speak a little Italian which I respond accordingly in Italian. He then proceeds to laugh. I would say that my fluster levels have clearly reached their peak as a young chap in the queue behind me seems to be coming to my defence and helps me.

Either way grumpy till man has just taken all 6 bottles of my water away from me. With the help of the young pup I have determined that they were on some sort of BOGOF offer. Instead of charging me for what I bought he just took them away. At this point I find I’ve reverted to Spanish bizarrely and am swearing profusely. This will confuse El bastardo!!!!

The Raptors do not help either. They’re to busy being cute and getting their faces pinched in every direction and revelling in further compliments on their blue eyes and blond hair.

Anyway off home we go once I’ve slumped over the steering wheel for a quick couple of minutes.

Once I’ve reversed into the garage (literally.. again) I can breathe a sigh of relief and know that my beloved will be home shortly.

And boy does he make an entrance. This is something else I will let him tell you about but for the purpose of my amusement I will detail it briefly here.

You see Dave forgot his phone. Left it in his mates car. Without said phone he has no way of letting me know when I need to open the gate at the top of the drive as our intercom is also up the spout.

As much as I try and keep an eye out, I also need to prep for dinner. Anyway 5 minutes after Dave is usually home I look out, see the gates open and hear a car out back. Usually Dave’s lift leaves him at the top of the drive so I go to our back balcony to have a nose.

Anyway what I see is a little Dave Large covered in mud up to his ankles. Turns out he had to trek through the field next to our apartment as there was no other way of getting in. Mid way down the field our English neighbour pulls into the drive. The evening ended with my man washing his shoes in the Bum sink.

As always my man made me laugh. This time at his expense and not mine.

My washing has been returned all nice and fresh so the posh pants are back on meaning all testicles will be held safely in place for the next 6 days.

At attempt to bounce my phone across the tiled floor has been made. Luckily only minimal damage has been sustained.

Now the rain has stopped we’ve discovered that Mount Etna is visible from our back Balcony. In my excitement yesterday I messaged Dave. “If she blows we’re going to get such a good view”. Needless to say Dave was home early yesterday with deck chair and beer in hand expecting some sort of free show. Imagine his disappointment when all he could see was a smoking volcano.

Our internet chap is back today. Already it’s been delayed by 3 hours. I really need to get used to this. Hopefully by the time I write again we’ll have a fully functioning internet service.

Benji is being eaten alive by a local mosquito. Bless him. He loved it last night when we killed the little pest (mosquito not Harry) and had blood splattered all up the Magnolia wall. I completely forgot about the blood squishing. Benji was happy although “look at all my Blood, what was he going to do with it all?” Was his first thought.

Anyway, Harry is begging for me to lift him up to peek out the spy hole in the door.

Benji has jobs to do to make up for trying to make my phone bounce.

It’s the weekend tomorrow and largey finishes today at 2.45. Happy days.

Ciao for now peeps.

🙂

Vengo D’Inglaterra.

I don’t know where to start. Where do you go after you find out that your eyes are really loud and shouty?

So, life continues for us home bods living it Large in Sicily. I use the term Large loosely as we’ve been generally house bound the last couple of days thanks to some proper rain.

Thankfully supermarkets are covered so we can stay dry but I’m bored of shopping. I don’t think the boys are falling for my high pitch screech exclaiming that “it’ll be exciting” anymore either. Damn.

We had a quick and interesting run to the mall earlier. I only needed an ATM but it turns out that just because there’s a bank up the road doesn’t mean there’s a way of getting cash out of it. At least there isn’t any way if you don’t want to talk to a person.

Thanks to Google Maps I found an ATM 14 minutes away. In the car….. at a mall…. The shouty levels increased with pleas to be quiet as Mummy had to concentrate.

We had to rush as a lovely lady was coming to collect my laundry at 10.30am. I should explain that as of yet I haven’t got a washing machine in my fully furnished apartment and I gave Dave the last of my cash thinking it would be ok.

Turns out that my Bluetooth connection gets all funny when I receive an incoming call. Sat nag lady got cut short in her prime and decided that she didn’t want to talk to any more. I was flying solo. As I’m writing this you’ll be pleased to note. We didn’t die.

I still need to go to the store to get dinner. Bugger!

I nearly got sold a mobile phone. Ridiculously most Italian words previously learnt left my body and all I could say, luckily in Italian, was I’m from England! It’s people like me that give English people a bad rap. Next thing you know I’ll be saying “meo no speako Italiano guvnoro”.

The laundry has gone to be taken care of by a lovely American lady. This means that in 2 days Dave can have good “posh pants” back for work and not the sort that act merely as an obstacle for free roaming testicles whose sole purpose it is to be free or get squashed between said lose pants and your though causing, so I’m told, crippling pain.

Apparently my washing is going to be returned smelling of wild Orchid. Better than the state they went in.

All this domesticity is tiring me out.

I ought to mention that the flappy bumper of the hire car Dave alluded to has been fixed. Turns out all it needed was a good push into a garage wall whilst reversing into the garage. Perfecto! No need for bluetac.

What we do need is another hire car from Sunday. Our Mini moo is still parked in good ole Blighty. At this rate we’ll be back before she leaves. I’m really glad I packed it full to the brim with useless stuff we won’t need.

Anyway, I either need a nap or to go to the store to buy dinner so best crack on as one of those most definitely has to happen before Dave gets home in two hours.

Ciao for now peeps.

L.

X

Lets go back in time……Flight Day

It’s about 7.30am, just about awake enough to start thinking about packing. Go Pro check, Camera check, laptop check, tablets check, chargers check, pants check.  Cool that’s my packing done. I’m starting to feel a bit smug with myself now, Lee hasn’t even started to pack all our clothes yet and I’m already finished.

I’m ordered out the house to go and get the Macky D’s Breakfast, you see Lee thought it would be a good idea to have a works leaving do the night before we fly out.  To be fair she’s looking in good shape, though she wasn’t the one awake all night listening to impressions of Miss Piggy.

Sat on the plane looking at betfair.com  I can see the other half looking over with a disapproving shake of the head.  How the hell did she know I was on Betfair– think the old geezer sat next to me has shopped me in.  Probably cos I should have turned on flight mode about 20 minutes ago and he’s worried the plane might drop out of the sky when I press the cash out button.  I keep hearing an annoying voice in the distance, “something about a car”  I put on my noise cancelling headphones just to drown it out.

Arrived in Sicily.  I jump on my phone to get the deal of the century for hire cars, only it seems there are no automatic cars left…I can hear Lee shouting at me through her eyes. It’s deafening, I can no longer hear myself think anything other than “oh f##k”.

We enquire at one rental desk.  With the insurance it costs about the same as a 3 bed house back in Reading.  Without insurance I have to leave about 19 credit cards and one of my kids to cover the excess.   I ponder the option but decide on taking a taxi.

The Taxi driver is talking about Malta for some reason….Well until Lee points out he’s asking where in Motta do we need to go…I’m gonna have issues with the language me thinks. Taxi fare costs about the same as a 3 bed house back in Reading.

Arrived at Norman Bates Hotel. The taxi driver never knew there was a hotel here in all the years he’s been driving.  Hoping to make it to the morning alive.  To be fair it seems ok once we get to the room.  Got up for breakfast.  Unsure if what’s on show is plastic or real. Checked out and walked to our new apartment with luggage in tow.  Nothing better than lugging 50 kilos of pants up hill in 30 degree heat.

Our new apartment is really nice, (and clean), better than our house back home.  Its magnolia, I say goodbye to  the deposit, Kids are gonna wreck this place.   I’m replaying “You talking to me” in my head as Robert De Nero shows us around.

Pick up car from the airport – Rental guy tries to scam me for extra insurance.  Didn’t fall for it.  Checked car over, looks good.  Drive down motorway, seems the bumper is trying to escape. Closer inspection shows its held on by bluetack.  Dam Rental guy has got me MOFO!  Note to buy some araldite before returning the car.

Impressed with Lee’s driving, seems to fit in well in Sicily. It appears that Stop, Give Way and Speed Limit signs are for decoration.  There are more potholes than actual tarmac.

Food has been good, had pasta, pasta and pasta.  It’s the only Italian word I know.   Anyway just off for a 45 mile jog whilst I run off the carbs.

Arrivederci!

Dave.

It takes two to blog in Sicily.

As you’re all aware, I have entitled my blog A Large Move to Sicily because my family and I have recently relocated to Sicily. Whilst in bed last night communicating (it’s not quite 7 days yet if you know what I mean) with Dave we came up with an interesting idea.

Moving forward Dave and I are going to take it in turns to write this blog. This way you get to have a “His and Hers” perspective of our move. We’ll disagree a lot probably but please rest assured mine will be right.

I have to admit I did get very excited. (Still not 7 days, calm down!) You see as much as I know I’m hilarious, Dave has a tendency to be as funny as Kieran Poolman on an ice skating rink which let me tell you is very funny. (Imagine a donkey on an ice rink with each leg flailing in different directions).

I’m pretty sure you’ve all heard enough of me now so I shall be letting His Largeness take control of the next blog and see what he can come up with. Apparently he’s already been thinking of ideas and writing notes.

Ciao for now peeps and over to you Dave. Well when he’s home.

🙂

Monday Sicilian style

As I write this, there has been the terrible atrocity on Las Vegas, my heart and thoughts go out to anyone involved in one way or another. 😦

For us Larges it is day something or other and what could be deemed as our first day of normality.

I say normality when we’re involved, normality needs to be interpreted as you see fit.

After I showered in Bubble bath and sprayed Vag freshner on my arm pits (seems I made a bit of a translation error), Dave got driven to work safely by myself and never once lost his breath.

I have decided that despite my previously stating that I could never be an aggressive driver, turns out my style of driving is distinctly Sicilian and suits me.

It seems the speed limit boards are actually displaying the minimum speed limit as I don’t think I’ve seen anyone stick to them. You drive on which ever side of the road you fancy whenever the need takes you. And you can change course at a minutes notice if you so choose. I tried it a couple of times and it worked out perfectly.

The boys and I have ventured into 3 shops. In each someone has tried to talk to me. I had the usually frozen rabbit in headlights stare for each occasion and other than the last one coped very well.

Store one – a little old lady who in a previous life was 7 foot doesn’t like that now she’s knee high to Yoda and can’t reach her bread. The Raptors had their faces squished in all directions as of she was kneading 10 year old bread dough. Or according to Benji “I feel like I’ve just had my face scratched by a cat”.

Store two – which handle did I need to go into my broom head? Turns out that unlike the UK you can’t buy said broom head with said handle together, no it has to be separate to cause maximum confusion.

Store 3 – All went really well right up until the checkout. Apparently some people go out of their way to cause confusion to English speaking Muppets. I mean how the heck did I know that the man was trying to tell me I had pencils left in my trolley or did I have an Auchan loyalty card. This time I pulled the No Capisco stunt.

I didn’t need to collect Dave, he has a friend now. He waited till I pulled the car out of the garage to let me know. He also has a night out on Thursday, seems one of us has integrated well.

The guy came to install the internet. He left half an hour later. I’m not living in a top floor apartment so there are issues. He’ll be back… I’m hoping. Either that or I have to move to a top floor apartment.

It’s raining. Not a little bit either. This is the proper stuff. I like the rain although I’ve firmly barred all doors and windows to ensure no tiny flying vampires also known as Mosquitoes come in to suck more of my blood. One already gave it his best shot earlier and I have a lovely lump on my jaw.

The boys have found their tablets to play on. They have done some exercises and tried to learn some Italian. They’ve even done some drawing.

All in all I loved today and wouldn’t change it for the world. Thank you Sicilia.

It’s bath time for the Raptors so I best go as the longer I delay the longer they have to visit the excuses bank and come up with why they shouldn’t have a bath.

Love to you all.

Ciao

X

The Larges have arrived!

We are finally here, we’ve taken possession of our new apartment. Boy how busy have we been though.

After landing we spent 20 minutes trying to decide Taxi or hire car? You see my special Mr Large hadn’t managed to book one before we took off hence the quandary we found ourselves in.

It’s ok though because we found a nice taxi driver in the end to take us on the longest and most expensive 25 minute taxi ride ever.

I pointed out to him that this was going to make the blog!!!!

We got to the hotel about 9.30pm ready for a jolly good kip. Trouble is my little Raptors needing feeding. I’m sorry to say that I fed them coke (liquid form) and crisps.

This morning we woke fairly early, or I did meaning everyone else had to. We had a breakfast of cheese and empty Croissants then off we went to sweat like a camels arse and meet Roberto 2 finally and his Pappa to get our keys.

Dave is convinced that Pappa Roberto looked like Robert Di Nero so he’s clearly had sun stroke at this point and was hallucinating.

The apartment exceeds our expectations and I’m so happy with it. Dave has already started carving out his butt groove in the sofa and the boys have discovered that the place echoes.

We’ve had a trip back to the airport to collect our hybrid vehicle that twice now I’ve left running after I’ve got out because I can’t hear the damn thing.

The kids have done nothing but moan they’re hungry. Dave has just moaned that I’m tutting an awful lot and we’ve discovered that my driving style suits the Sicilian way. It took 10 minutes for Dave to get enough breath back into his body to function.

We’ve managed to last 12 hours without a TV although if it wasn’t for Dave pointing out we have no internet I would have had one here now.

We’ve found the local shopping centre along with everyone else on the Island. It is clearly the place to go at 4pm on a Sunday. The Polizia like hanging out there too.

Ikea Catania is something else and not somewhere I want to go back to in a hurry. People even take their dogs because let’s face it every dog loves to go to Ikea on a hot Sunday afternoon. Clearly as much as the men that have been took along to hold said rat on a lead or fancy handbag.

Our first meal had been cooked without the aid of a smoke detector. The boys loved their undercooked Pasta as much as Hubster loved his overcooked Ravioli.

6 Centipedes have been kicked out along with one very dead Cockroach.

We have to be up early tomorrow to take Pappa D to his first day at work. I don’t think he’s to nervous but that’s probably because he knows if he gets there it means he’s survived my driving.

Well I best get washing up. Turns out this retired lark isn’t the holiday I had originally envisaged and the expectations have been clearly outlined.

Ciao for now peeps.

See you tomorrow.